I’ve thought about my relationship with my Higher Power and my relationship with my son. Here’s what I think my Higher Power would say to me:
Shelley,
You want to hear from Me about letting your son go. You are not abandoning him, as much as it may feel like it. You are simply transferring his wellbeing from your care to Mine.
It was never My intention for you to direct, guide, and control his life. That is My role. Yours in the beginning was to love him, protect him, and teach him. You’ve done that. He was never yours to keep.
To have peace, you must let him go. Your stubborn self-will only gets in the way of the plans I have for him.
I know it is not your intention to interfere, but you are. You are not all-wise and all-powerful. You cannot remove his disease. You cannot love him to wellness. Only I can do that.
You must trust that I care for your son’s wellbeing. You must trust that I love him more than your humanly love. My thoughts, My ways, My plans are bigger than you can comprehend. Your lives are so short, yet you waste so much in worry and fear.
Yes, your son may cut his life short. That is not My intention, but it is his choice. He must trust Me also, and seek to have a relationship with Me. Only then can I work in his life. I will not force Myself on him or you. I am more than willing to be involved in your lives, but only to the degree you let Me. We both know what a struggle trusting Me has been for you.
You can’t make it any easier for your son to trust Me. He has to find Me on his own, and he’s doing that to the best of his ability. Let him do that. Get out of the way. Love him as My child, the way I love you. But let him go so that he can be himself, whoever that may be.
We’re in this together. You can come to Me anytime to tell Me your worries and concerns. I’ll listen. I always have. But I may choose to be silent. That’s My way of stretching you and growing you.
I know you love your son, and I love you for that. But ultimately, he is My child, and I know what’s best for him. Entrust him to Me and you will grow. You will find the peace you want. You have so much in your own life to focus on. Focus on growing yourself, and let Me worry about your son.
Loving you always,
Your Higher Power
By Shelley C.
The Forum, April 2013
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
This touches me as I watch my son engage in behaviors that hurt him. I want to help but I am working on detaching and trying not to control. It is very hard for me. Just when I feel like I am about to fall apart, I remember my Higher Power loves my son more than me.
I am praying for all of you.. Julie, Michelle, Priscilla. This letter changed my life. My daughter is now 2.5 years sober and is doing well. It Recovery happens, miracles happen. Please take care of yourselves moms. ❤️
I could hardly read this, I was crying so hard. I am facing this terrible reality with my son whom I love so much. Knowing that I cannot heal him is devastating. At this point God is the only answer I can find. So, I pray each day, that God will heal him and make him whole once more.
Thank you for this letter and to those that shared it with me.
Please give my son the strength and the light to find his way.
Protect him and keep him from harm.
I have a hard time accepting this disease. I have a hard time letting go. I feel I must fight in prayer. I beg you God to fight for my son and cast out the alcohol demons out of his life. You are powerful and mighty to save and to do anything, you are the only one that can transform persons or situations please save and heal my son. Heal our sons and daughters of each parent begging for a miracle today in Jesus name amen
I heard this read yesterday in an Al-Anon meeting for parents; the tears were running down my face. I have been having a similar conversation w/ God in the past few weeks. These words were truly a validation of what I believe to be true and am working so hard on putting into practice. Thank you for sharing this timeless message.
This letter us so wonderful…I send it to [others] frequently…it applies to other family members, too…we think we know best…we do n o t!
Thank you for this letter! Especially for the line that says, “he is my child and I know what is best for him.” Sure put me in my place! I am working on this and with God’s help will let go of thinking that I have the solutions to his alcoholism. I’m already seeing a positive difference in our relationship. Blessings to all!
Thank you for this reading, it is the only thing that has made any sense to me this week.
I just heard this read on the Sunday morning Parents Meeting (phone – 10a.m.EST). Wow! In the last year I have achieved this detachment (with love) from my son. I can honestly say I did not make a clear decision to turn him over to his Higher Power, but I did pray for the strength to handle whatever path his life took. Al-Anon taught me that the only control I had was over my own behavior, that I couldn’t even control my own thinking. My son is in recovery coming up on 4 years thanks to AA. I was surprised… Read more »
Thank You I feel so much pain of loss of my son, no he is not dead but it sure feels like I have lost him I know I have to be strong enough to let him go . THESE POST are very helpful to us that have never had this kind of life of giving your child up to a higher power
Thank you for this beautiful letter. My son has been struggling with depression and anxiety and has relapsed into addiction.
He is presently in rehab and I know I need to let go of him and let God work in his life. It is taking everything in me to do this work of surrendering him to God.
I know in my heart that I cannot fix him and I will now focus on getting myself healthy.
Beautifully written and thank you for sharing your letter. How long did you work on writing this letter?
Well done, HP! When I write a letter to my HP, I always get what I need. Never gotten a written response, but this is a powerful beginning. Thank you 💕
It has been close to a year now since I first read this letter. Not only did it change my life but also that of my son. I admit to struggling through each word on an extremely high emotion. It took all the courage I could muster in order to become strong in the surrender of my son. Words pale when I am feeling the gratitude I so want to articulate. In short the letter changed my life….it changed his life….it changed our relationship. And it matured us both. Me on a spiritual level and he on an independence level.… Read more »
Our son in hospital now. End stage liver disease the last 5 years. Given 90 days to live in 2014. He quit drinking and got well enough they dropped him from transplant list. 4 months ago his best friend committed suicide and he has been on downward spiral since. He is insisting on checking out of hospital against medical advice. We have fought for days. He has serious infection in his lung and still wants to leave. We are releasing him at this point to live his life his way.
Good share thank you
Awesome. I did this with my husband 43 years ago. When he passed away he had 40 years of sobriety and a happy marriage. I am forever grateful.
I love this! I can totally relate in so many levels! The first time I read this I broke down crying! So I’m putting my son in your care God, please watch, guide and protect him. With Love and Respect from a recovering addict who is the mother of an addict.?❤️☮️
Every word of this “letter” resonated with me. I have already shared it with two other moms. Only another addict’s mom who has walked this path can completely relate to these heartfelt words. I cannot thank you enough for sharing. I have saved this article in my phone so I can read it often.