How the group aids our recovery

I just returned from an Al-Anon meeting that addressed Tradition Three. At this meeting, our focus was on the “coming together for mutual aid” part of the Tradition.

We came to Al-Anon with a deep desire to fit into a group that could alleviate the loneliness of the isolation of our embarrassment and damaged self-esteem. We were afraid to let another into our soul but desperately wanted to have the safety of a group in which our voice would be heard and appreciated. Many of us came from an environment in which one person spoke with authority and our unity depended on following that one voice.

We were, so often, conformists who wanted no controversy. Many of us were like chameleons in our efforts to please others, to be what other people wanted us to be. We wished to simplify our confusion by seeing things as black and white. We neither had the courage to speak nor did we have the skills to listen.

After our first courageous step through the doors of Al-Anon, we found a different kind of group. We found people who were willing to love and respect us as we were. We began to understand the need for learning this new way of life. We grew in Al-Anon as we learned its principles.

With honesty, we share the experience, strength, and hope of our recovery. We learn that we truly belong as we listen to members tell their story and say things that we don’t have the vocabulary to express. Our isolation breaks away. We are able to share, with equal importance, our gems of experience and learning. Sometimes, as we go around the table, a quiet person comes forth with a gem that is most helpful. It is through this sharing that we realize the strength of the group—a definite Higher Power in all of our lives.

Our common bond is strong as we grow together. Our group is strong because we let other affiliations outside the door and talk with that new Al-Anon vocabulary that speaks so clearly to our recovery. We trust in the power of the Steps and Traditions and come to the meetings to get “pumped up” for the week. “Nothing in my life makes me feel so good,” said one member. I think that she speaks for many of us.

By Bernie S., Minnesota
The Forum, March 2008

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