The morning after, he didn't remember his romantic proposal

After attending about a month’s worth of Al-Anon meetings, I was miraculously cured. I no longer needed Al-Anon because I had, in one short month, successfully completed Steps One through Twelve! By successfully, I mean I skipped over the Steps that I felt didn’t apply to me.

It’s with this mentality that I declared my graduation from Al-Anon. It wouldn’t be until a year later that I would all but crawl through the doors of Al-Anon!

When I recall the series of events that brought me back, it’s quite clear that many things were not right. Topping the list was my volunteering to play “sober cab” for my alcoholic friend. I had learned early on that he was going to drink regardless of my actions. I accepted that reality by appointing myself as his personal cabbie. Can we say enabler?

Perhaps, if I had stuck around Al-Anon for longer than a month, I would have learned a thing or two about enabling. But, since that word was not yet a part of my vocabulary, I volunteered to be “sober cab.” One night, I drove us to three different bars. This was, of course, after several hours of pre-bar drinking. We stayed at bar No. 3 until closing time. What followed next is what brought me back to Al-Anon.

It’s crucial to mention – and at the risk of sounding clichéd – that I had liked that friend of mine the moment I met him, five years earlier. Over time, I went from merely liking him to loving him—more than I thought possible. While never formally establishing the exact nature of our relationship, I always hoped it would become a romantic one.

After leaving bar No. 3, I got my wish. On the ride home, he navigated me to the neighborhood park. Once out of the car, he put his arm around me, spun me toward him, and kissed my lips. We then walked under the gazebo where he took my hands, looked into my eyes, and asked me to be his girlfriend. He said I was everything he was seeking. With that, he picked me up, dipped me backwards, and kissed me again. The night was fairytale perfect.

The fairytale painfully ended the next morning when I discovered that he had blacked out. He had no recollection of the previous evening and his “sober-self” apparently didn’t share the same feelings as his “drunken-self.”

As I faced that reality, I also realized that I needed some serious help processing and recovering from that night. So, I dragged my emotionally-bruised and physically-exhausted self back to the place that promised me help and serenity. In that moment I knew that I had not yet graduated from Al-Anon. Now after a little more than a year in the program I realize that I never want to graduate!

By Erin B., Illinois
The Forum, August 2010

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